Cardboard breakfast.

What looks like Cap'n Crunch but tastes like cardboard?

Cap'n Crunch Crunch Treasures. That's what.

As a lifelong connoisseur of Cap'n Crunch in its various forms, I couldn't have been more disappointed in this garbage. While Peanut Butter Crunch is by far my favorite, I have always enjoyed a change of pace with the classic Cap'n Crunch, Crunchberries, and even the occasional holiday themed Crunch variations. Coming off the retro packaging of Cap'n Crunch products from last year, I was intrigued by Crunch Treasures when I saw the option of buying a small box for a measly buck.

Crunch Treasures is marketed as a less-sugary version of the classic Cap'n Crunch. The cereal itself is shaped differently -- in fact, if this is even possible, the pieces are sharper in your mouth than the classic variation. Upon first bite, I realized that this indeed tastes exactly like what is advertised -- Cap'n Crunch with "1/2 the sugar of regular Cap'n Crunch."

Translation? A bland mess in your mouth that slightly resembles a breakfast classic.

This just in. Sugary cereals are not meant to be healthy. This is no different than sugar-free Kool-Aid. Low-calorie Oreos. If you take sugar away from a sugary cereal, you're left with nothing.

In the future, I'll save my money and just chew on a piece of paper.