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1. Betty White
Scenario: A girl and her brother are home alone and the boy is stuck in the bathroom. Having flushed a brush down the toilet, water begins to flood the room. The girl panics.
Solution: Know where you parents will be and have emergency contact information at your disposal.
2. Byron Allen
Scenario: Two boys are hanging out together and one gets jealous when the other keeps talking about how much he likes a different friend.
Solution: People always find their way back to their old friends. Byron Allen talks about his dog.
3. Byron Allen
Scenario: Two friends are walking down the sidewalk at night when one breaks a radio antenna from a parked car.
Solution: Vandalism isn't funny. There are lots of ways to have a good time. Destroying other people's property isn't one of them. Karma comes back to get the vandal.
4. David Hasselhoff
Scenario: When a girl tries to introduce someone new to her best friend, she gets the cold shoulder.
Solution: Everybody has a bad day. Don't take it personally. Wait a little while and your friend will probably be less of a jerk.
5. Dwight Schultz
Scenario: A fire breaks out and two boys panic.
Solution: Don't try to be a hero. Hit the floor and get out. Then call the fire department while you wonder where your parents were at.
6. Dwight Schultz
Scenario: Ronnie has had enough with his parents not listening to him and has gone on strike against them.
Solution: Tell the truth and "9 times out of ten" your parents will understand. The other time you're just screwed.
7. Dwight Schultz
Scenario: Adam's mom doesn't like his new friend and doesn't feel comfortable with them playing together.
Solution: Assure your parents that you are smart enough to avoid trouble with your new friend. Especially if your new friend is Steve Urkel.
8. Dwight Schultz
Scenario: A boy is frightened while he watches a monster movie in the dark with his friend.
Solution: As long as you're in a safe place, the dark isn't a big deal. Stop being a baby.
9. Dwight Schultz
Scenario: At the dinner table, an overzealous boy takes more than his share of the food.
Solution: "Sometimes your eyes are bigger than your belly." Your future waist line will appreciate you not being a glutton.
10. Jason Bateman
Scenario: A teenager with bad hair is playing his music at a high volume on a public bus.
Solution: Turn it down. The people around you deserve their peace and quiet. Jason Bateman threatens jail time for those that don't obey.
11. Joel Higgins
Scenario: Two obnoxious teenagers make fun of an elderly man walking down the street.
Solution: Quit being an ass and respect your elders.
12. Joel Higgins
Scenario: A girl tries too ride her dog like a horse and is frustrated when it will not follow her commands.
Solution: Don't ride your dog. Especially if your dog is big enough to eat you.
13. Joel Higgins
Scenario: A girl in a room full of toys complains that she is bored and has nothing to do.
Solution: Playing by yourself can be fun. Or maybe quit being such a spoiled brat and clean that mess of a room.
14. Justine Bateman
Scenario: Two girls argue about whose music is better -- Sid Haircut or Johnny Sincere.
Solution: Open your mind and quit being a music snob. Besides...everybody knows that Sid Haircut is awesome.
15. Justine Bateman
Scenario: A girl is not happy when Andrew the "creep" is part of her group for a class project.
Solution: Give people a chance and you might learn to like them. Or maybe even "like them" like them.
16. Kim Fields
Scenario: A girl is pressured by two friends into trying a cigarette in the bathroom.
Solution: "Smoking is a bad habit. Believe me, I know. But not from experience." This makes no sense, Tootie.
17. Kim Fields
Scenario: Two boys are seen rigging a park swing to fall when used.
Solution: Tell an adult if someone is going to get hurt. Teach the pranksters to loosen salt shaker lids instead.
18. Lisa Welchel
Scenario: Two boys are home alone and drop their dad's new camera.
Solution: Be responsible. Only break rules that cannot be traced back to you.
19. Michael Gross
Scenario: Heather does not want to do gymnastics with her friend. She is sad because her parents are getting a divorce.
Solution: Don't blame yourself for divorce. Blame your parents.
20. Michael J. Fox
Scenario: A girl tells her friend that she was inappropriately touched by her Uncle George.
Solution: Tell an adult if something makes you uncomfortable. Unless that adult is Uncle George.
21. Michael J. Fox
Scenario: A boy is uncomfortable with his friend playing with matches.
Solution: Fire is a tool used for cooking and warmth. Play with a hammer instead. It won't burn you up.
22. Mr. T
Scenario: A baseball player argues with the umpire after striking out.
Solution: You don't always get your way. Learn to play together unless the umpire is a jerk, too. Then be sure to spit on him before you take your ball and go home.
23. Mr. T
Scenario: One boy makes fun of another when he is working out with smaller weights.
Solution: Start small. And don't buy weights like you're going to work out at home. You won't and they'll sit in your basement for years.
24. Nancy McKeon
Scenario: Three girls are home alone and can't decide if they should open the front door for someone claiming to be selling magazine subscriptions.
Solution: Tell them to come back later. Tell them you have your father's gun and scorching case of herpes.
25. Nancy McKeon
Scenario: Three boys playing basketball make fun of the "nerdy" kid when he asks to join them.
Solution: Don't make fun of nerdy kids. Nerdy kids will be your boss some day.
26. Perry King
Scenario: After watching a game on TV, a boy goes to the fridge for a cold beer like he's seen his father do.
Solution: Don't always imitate what you see. Besides, you drink during a game. Not after a game.
27. Perry King
Scenario: One girl has a nice bike and makes fun of her friend's less sophisticated bike.
Solution: Negativity often stems from doubts of self-worth. Not surprising considering this girl's hair and glasses.
28. Perry King
Scenario: A girl goes bat-shit crazy when she thinks something is unfair.
Solution: Talk to people with respect. Acting like this girl is a good way for ensure you'll be left alone in a remote area.
29. Rene Enriquez
Scenario: A boy can't stay awake in class after staying up too late watching TV.
Solution: Get plenty of rest and be nice to your body. If you're that tired, skip school.
30. Ricky Schroder
Scenario: A boy tries to lie his way out of a mess in the bathroom.
Solution: Tell the truth. If you lie, people will quit paying attention to you. The same can be said about people who talk about the Karate Kid and the Knicks too much.
31. Sarah Purcell
Scenario: A boy is upset following the death of a close friend and his sister wants to help.
Solution: Talking about your feelings is important. A friend you've lost can go on living through your memories. If you're trying to help and someone wants to be left alone, leave them the eff alone.
32. Soleil Moon Frye
Scenario: A young girl gets lost in a busy department store.
Solution: Ask a policeman or salesperson for help. Or ask your parents to buy a kid leash.
33. Soleil Moon Frye
Scenario: A girl is nervous about seeing a doctor.
Solution: Doctors are there to help you. Not hurt you. Dentists are there to hurt you.
34. Tempest Bledsoe
Scenario: A boy asks his mother for an expensive bike and is told to earn the money himself.
Solution: Get a job. Consider playing the part of the Winslow's nerdy neighbor.
35. Thom Bray
Scenario: A babysitter does nothing when the baby she is caring for starts to cry.
Solution: If you have a job to do, do it right. I'm pretty sure this carelessness could warrant jail time in 2015.
36. Thom Bray
Scenario: Two friends of different religious backgrounds question the validity of each other's traditions.
Solution: Be respectful of other beliefs. And get that girl out of the church choir. She's awful.
37. Thom Bray
Scenario: A girl cannot find her skateboard in her messy room.
Solution: Toys are fun, but when you're done playing with them, put them away.
38. Thom Bray
Scenario: Two boys ignore their curfew to stay at the arcade and play video games after school.
Solution: Be sure your parents know where you are and don't be late. Unless you're at the arcade playing video games. Then it's totally worth it.
39. Valerie Harper
Scenario: One girl looks at her friend's private paperwork.
Solution: Respect the property of others. Or don't leave your junk laying around for the world to see.
40. Tim Lybarger
Scenario: A teenage boy is bullied by a gang of karate students.
Solution: Get to know your building's maintenance man.