Dirt Cereal: 1989 Advertising Brilliance

Many people have distinct memories of 1980s culture versus that of the 1990s. For me, the transition from one decade to the next had a specific name.

8th grade.

As a semi-hyperactive kid of thirteen, I spent much of my time listening to the likes of DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince, Run DMC, and NWA. My 8th grade class was given the assignment of creating a product to present to the class in commercial format. Working together with my friend Scott, there was no doubt we were going to bring some hip-hop flavor to our product.

It was called Dirt Cereal.

Although a video recording of Scott and I dropping some serious talent on our classmates in commercial format does not exist, a one-man audio rehearsal survives almost thirty years later. As I've mentioned many times before, much like Adam Goldberg documented his childhood using a massive video camcorder, my brother and I have a lot of ours captured through a multitude of audio cassettes.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the 1989 version of myself...in all my hip-hop glory.

Here is...Dirt Cereal.

From the makers of Cocoa Puffs we bring you more
It's called Dirt Cereal and it's at your stores
It'll give you zits in all locations
It's a brand new product and it's sweepin' the nation
It doesn't cost a lot cause it's just dirt cheap
It comes from the ground so just dig real deep
We don't have salesmen going door to door
Just three ninety-five at your grocery store
It's not Frosted Flakes but it's just as good
Everyone will eat it like they know they should

We're T42 in full effect
Rappin' about dirt, what do you expect
We're rappin' 'bout cereal you know it's true
It's the best on the market for me and you
It's a really great cereal, we know you'll love it
And if you agree you'll buy more of it
So look out Weenies, the move is on
Now we're singing the Dirt Cereal song

We're just rockin' the mic for your pleasure you see
This is our commercial for your TV

Now a few notes to clarify what I'd like to call my lyrical genius:
  • "Hit is Scott!" was the signal for my friend to get crazy with a beat box solo.
  • "Look out Weenies" refers to a rival product presented by a few classmates. Weenies was, of course, a Weird-Al-esque rip on Wheaties. This was a rural-Illinois version of Kool Moe Dee vs. LL Cool J as far as I was concerned.
  • T42 was the name of our crew. Our commercial-making crew. We wrote this rhyme and knew we were destined for stardom. T42? Maybe, the T was for Tim? Possibly.
Anyone know Jay-Z? I'm ready for a remix.

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